“I may be a lot of things but I’m not the one that ever makes a soul cry at night. I’m not the one that hurts any heart. I love to love and I love to give. That has always been my heart. My heart has been broken several times…I’ve witnessed the greatest storms of my life. I’ve cried for days and for nights yet here I am , being silly and funny. Being goofy. Being a joker. Being the hero of my life. I shall laugh and I shall cry but I shall never go to bed with any tears that resembles regret of breaking any heart. I’m at peace. Peace.”
Have you ever woken up from a nightmare and you are just thankful, thankful to your stars that it’s just a nightmare
But when nightmare becomes a dreadful reality…you’re honestly paralyzed without knowing what to do.
The eyes weep with sorrow and fear…a trepidation on what shall happen next ?
Survival is the basic instinct of human nature but what if you weren’t equipped for survival after surviving for so long ? You may wonder what went wrong. You may blame that this happened due to god but what if you were just a collateral damage?
A collateral damage that was never meant to happen…
In a blissful minute, your sudden realization of those people , harmless people dying in countries such as Syria …come into your head.
Did they deserve it ? No they didn’t. Did they deserve it ? No they didn’t.
Note : This note may have one or more grammatical errors as it’s a free flow writing of thoughts of the current moment.
To my readers,
I should tell you about what happened with me today (Friday the 6th of October -2017)
So, basically I was at the traffic signal – minding my own business. There was a car behind me —some lady in her landcruiser was ‘peeping’ me a lot.
I didn’t know what to do – She wanted to go to the right side of the road and take the exit, I moved a little bit but I COULDN’T move anymore as —THERE WAS A TRUCK IN FRONT OF ME.
So I just waited and after the signals turned green – this woman HAD THE AUDACITY TO roll down the windows of the car and call me ‘stupid’
People are insane…Especially those rich folks with expensive cars….
I was just bewildered with what I experienced.
I’ve a nissan micra car —if I had a fancy car, this wouldn’t have happened. Trust me.
Because I’ve driven expensive cars too and I’ve experienced nothing but a lot of stares and respect. Haha! Materialistic world, eh?
I look tired and worn out but I have reasons behind those faint lines that you see beneath my face. Those lines are the sleepless nights I’ve had out of sheer fright for my livelihood…those lines show the pain I’ve felt when I was defeated , worn out and had nobody to console in. Those lines show my hardwork and perseverance. Those lines show many things so stay kind to everyone because you don’t know anything about their battles but it doesn’t mean that you speak about your battles. You don’t. They will show that they sympathize with you but if they see you reaching the ladders of success, trust me – they want you crumbling down to your demise. People are cruel and disgusting. Stay wary.
Side poses are beautiful and can be analogous to the side stories that people know about…what I mean by ‘side stories’ —are the stories and the rumours that people know of. You can never know what the real truth is of Someone until it’s actually confirmed by several sources and even then , you may still not know the clear picture. So don’t believe and be too quick to judge anyone.
Have you ever felt so shaken and mentally depressed? Have you ever felt that you were different to others just because you treat everyone around you like the way you treat your family? Have you ever felt like an outcast? Have you ever been so hurt that it basically breaks you into pieces over people or casual friends that you make in your life? When you always wanted their best and they wanted your worst…Have you cried over a complete stranger that was in trouble? Someone that you just met recently because you empathized with them too much? I have…I don’t think I belong here. I don’t think I have what it takes to survive here. I cry but I never show i cry. I always smile with weakness. I always smile even if I’m in deep pain. I don’t know if this is strength or weakness but I don’t believe that I belong here….This cruel world , oh this cruel world.
I do not understand greed. I do not understand poverty. I do not understand the jealousy. I do not understand the hatred. I do not understand power. I do not understand control. I do not understand people. I do not understand this world. I do not understand myself either. Why am I trying to fit in?when I clearly don’t belong in this cruel, artificial world…
I have this sudden burst of loneliness and I want to be left alone. I don’t realize the meaning of life because I see people working hard toward their goals and in the end…it’s just a matter of luck and moment that would lead them
Victorious. Some people work forever to get to where they are just to be dead the next minute. So what is life? Tell me what is life? I want to ask you. Don’t give me the bullshit of energies and karmic ties , yes it may exist but it doesn’t work out for everything. There is so much injustice in this world and sometimes I really wonder if life is worth it. If anything is worth it. People that were born in extreme poverty were not asking for it.
I hate the system. I hate society. I have zero tolerance for people that aren’t grateful for the things they have in this world. I don’t even know what am I saying anymore…Notice how confused I am with my contradicting statements…I am lost. I am confused. Everything is confusing…I don’t know where am I going…