Lately, I have come to a vivid realization of pessimism. I’ve realized that I’ve turned into a cynical woman. A cynical woman with depressing thoughts…and there are moments where I get overwhelmed.
I get overwhelmed with my mind…I am cynical of people and their wishes for me. Sometimes, I don’t think anyone cares for me besides my family. Sometimes, I think it’s all about envy and some kind of weird jealousy and I am always anxious. My anxiety gets the best of me. I am scared most of the time, especially when I receive a compliment. I question the authenticity of their compliment – is it because they mean well or is it because out of pure jealousy that they wish something ill happens to me…I get so paranoid that I lose my mind and I cut those people off. I cut many people off. Infact I don’t keep anyone close. I keep nobody close. I am too scared to form friendships. I am too scared to even formulate a contact with someone that could be a potential love-interest as well. I just need nobody. Solitude is bliss I guess, my social life has become nil. I talk to nobody anymore. I am just stuck in my vicious cycle of paranoia, disturbia and anxiety but I am okay. I don’t let anyone damage me anymore because I keep nobody close. Nobody.